There is always something in the air of this place. Something I have been trying to find out since the first time I visited Goa. There is an essence, an essence of love, essence of that authentic Goa beer, beaches reaching out to horizon, an essence of all those smoked Marlboro, Ganja, and all those Tattoos at every blink of your an eye. The essence of freedom, all the freedom in the world you could get at one place. This might be the only reason why I or most of them like Goa so much. And as the first thing in Goa I would always visit a Tattoo shop. I became fond of Tattoos when i was 17. My first Tattoo was of a Butterfly right below my Collarbone. I had a dark birthmark, a big scar below my collarbone which extended almost till my breasts and I had to hide it somehow. My mom wasn’t happy though. It was from then I was interested in Tattoos. Not that I used to get more tattoos, I liked to notice all the Tattoos nearby and what they were hiding beneath them. All those innumerable Dragons, Stripes and Butterflies of course. Some hid birthmarks, some hid wound scars, some were hiding nothing and some had names on them, couple tattoos, friendship tattoos, Some were just a Comma or a Full stop. But there was this one Tattoo a circle with white and black shades in it and a white dot in the black shade and a black dot in the white one, a Yin Yang and it was above that tattoo of a wolf with its nose touching the circle, right behind his right ear extending down his right Collar Bone. I saw him on the Calangutte Private beach for the first time. He only wore a thin cotton boxers, Bear in his left hand and a Marlboro. It is the busiest beach after Bhaga beach in Goa, filled with couples, group boys drinking, smoking, playing in the beach and whose parents would have no idea where there kids would be, group girls giggling all around, kids playing around and there he was all alone enjoying his Beer watching everyone around, a Lonely wolf half naked smoking Marlboros. Well smoking does make you look cooler. He was in solitude rather than loneliness
I saw him again later that night. There was some karaoke thing at this bar on Calangutte shore and most of them were into it. Some drunk and singing shits and some were really good at it. Few played Guitars and Drums, well nothing surprising as we were in Goa. We would find all kinds of people here. Artists most of them smoking Joints, Beer in hand and trying to impress others along with their talents. And there he was on a chair, once again alone or in solitude and he was just watching. Aspiring everything whether it was good or bad. We wore a thin light blue shirt which was kind of a Kurtha unbuttoned. His Yin Yang Tattoo was clearly visible. We had few Bears and smoked Hookah. It was almost midnight and the beach was almost empty and the singing had stopped. Everyone were returning back sobered. But not him, He was still drinking and gazing at the waves. Wow the Beach does look awesome at night. Waves are much higher and aggressive at night and than in the light. There were only a very few people left at the Beach and some guards patrolling around and searching people for illegal drugs. I think he hasn’t noticed me. We I do feel like talking to him.
Can’t believe its already midnight and I have to leave tomorrow. I never get enough of this place. All the freedom in the world. The sea really looks beautiful in dark. The beach is almost empty now, only a few couples, some boys smoking Cigarettes and that girl since this morning. The girl with a Butterfly Tattoo below her collar bone hiding that birthmark scar. Well scars are actually beautiful and they don’t always have to be hidden or should be embarrassed of. Its all perspective. Yes I do notice each and everything around me. ‘Never underestimate a quiet man’. And those guards searching for pot and joints. They would never really get it do they? And the girl is walking towards me which is quite unusual but not that I hadn’t expected.
We lost track of time until the sky started to change color. Dark to purple, then to orange, then red and so on. I told my friends to return to our hotel and not to wait for me. Well he had noticed us and he waved at me as I walked towards him. A little smile so sensitive, a dimple in his left cheek, bright eyes, A face filled with wisdom. So much charm that I still picture his smile in my head as if I drew it myself. The first thing he told me as i approached him was that I had a very nice Tattoo and then time leapt out of our hands. A few minutes later he bought us Bear from the bar behind which he didn’t even as me about. It was like he knew everything about what I wanted. I told him about my Tattoo, the birthmark and how my mom was upset with it. He was a silent man and didn’t talk much, But he a good listener and which was enough for me. Literally I was a chatter box and he was enjoying listening. It was then I realized ‘Silence likes Loudness and Loudness always likes Silence just like War likes Peace and Peace always likes to be at a War’. There is no existence of one without the other. And here I was that Loudness and War and He was Silence and Peace. A perfect Yin Yang. I talked and talked till the Bear hit me real hard. He asked me where my hotel was so that he could drop me on his way back. But just slept there on his shoulders, So warm as a mothers womb.
My friends woke me up around 6 in the morning right at the beach and he wasn’t there. They told me that he left the very moment they came to take me back to the hotel with his sweat shirt still around my shoulders. My friends were really worried as I had spent a whole night along with a stranger on a Goa Beach. Well there was a actually nothing to worry about since he was as descent as silent he was. And at the moment I couldn’t wait to meet him again.
It took me a lot of efforts and all the sacrifice I made to reach at the very spot where I am standing now. An unsatisfied mind. There is a term in Ayurveda (system of traditional Indian medicine) called Dosha meaning deformity. Which is further divided into Vatha, Pitta and Kapha according to human nature. Well I belonged to Pitta group who are generally always angry and I was at its peak. Well I was intelligent and high intellect will be accompanied with ego and temper and I couldn’t help it. I lost almost everything to it. I failed to keep up to the woman who loved me to her life, my parents weren’t tolerating me anymore, I lost my very own company to the hands of my coworkers. It was then i decided studying Yin Yang. A Buddhist monastery in Kushalnagar, Karnataka.
Just like a Man and a Woman whom are perfectly different identities but they thrive to coexist with each other. In every man there is a Woman and a Woman in a Man. Well this could be scientifically proven with Hormones like Estrogen and Progesterone. Estrogen is a female sex Hormone which is found in trace quantities in men. Testosterone a Male sex Hormone present in females which sometimes gives women body and facial hair. ‘A Perfect Man is the One who could notice and Appreciate the Woman present within Him’. ‘The Ultimate Woman is a Man’.
Where there is War there is Peace and Peace is always admired at every War.
All those holy spiritual speeches which I could never handle. As soon as I left the monastery I came to Goa. Drunk myself to death, spent few days and then thought of the Tattoo. Just a reminder to not to return to my old and miserable life. A wolf (anger and ego) controlled by the Yin Yang. I have to be in Airport in a few hours on my way back. I could have told her something about me or at least how I got the Tattoo, but I just kept quite listening to her. And even i don’t know where she lives. I hope we could meet again and we will if it is destined. Who am I questioning Faith and Destiny.
I have had enough of searching this place again and again. It has been a few months after the incident at the Beach and I’m in Goa again. But all alone this time searching for the one with the YIN YANG Tattoo. I have asked almost every Tattoo shop in Goa for at least a Mobile number or an Address. I don’t even know his name and I can’t even remember what I told him that day. All I could remember is that sensitive smile. Well none of that really matters anymore as I’m returning back to Mumbai today. Well I have to move on.
Here I am on the same beach where I slept like a little baby on his shoulder, high on Alcohol. The sea did look beautiful that day. Well it might be true or might be just an imagination. As I gaze upon to the horizon I could hear footsteps approaching, A thick familiar voice saying” Hey there, Nice Tattoo”.
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