A_Aghori

I'm 75; and I want to be a kid again.

Everyday diary of an old man, filled with love, regrets, loss, loneliness, who loves to drink whisky and live a little longer.

 

boy in black v neck shirt with looking straight to the camera with a shocking face expression
Photo by mohamed Abdelgaffar on Pexels.com

There is this kid in our colony whom I couldn’t get off my head today. I hate taking a walk in the park, I always hated it. Couldn’t just ignore the people in the park, people filled with love, joy, no regrets, all their lovely talks, hugs and kisses full of love and compassion. It makes me feel more lonely. It remembers me of the things which I regret from not doing them. But I do take a walk in the park almost every evening just to watch this kid play, to watch him have fun, laugh, fall, cry, I watch him being happy. I do it just to find myself in him as a kid all over again.

There is always something about being kids where we get chances, a lot of chances, chances to fail, chances to do all the wrong things, chances to hate people and then love them all over again, and at last all those chances to learn. He studies 5th grade and might be around 10 years. This kid hates school just like me and every evening I see him run to his home to get changed and start playing. Takes out his little bike and races to the park and I follow him. I sit there in the park few yards away from him and all I do watch him do everything. I picture myself in him 65 years younger and believe me it comforts me a lot. It gives me a feeling where I get 65 years more life and I could correct all my mistakes which I regret about now. Well it even gives me 65 years more to live. Sometimes I even visit his home at night just to look at him sleep. I haven’t slept without worries since a long time. All I remember is going to sleep worried about jobs, money, family, decisions, future and all other shits in the world. Watching him sleep does comfort me but I know i could never sleep like that again, at least not now.

“Older you get, you start acting like a kid again” I really don’t know why people say that as I have never felt it that way. I never felt being that kid and all I feel is missing being that kid.

 

grayscale photo of group of children
Photo by Frederik Trovatten on Pexels.com

I didn’t feel like drinking today. I’m tiered since he did go far away on his bike and I had a very long and tiring walk. I don’t really know whether I get that peaceful sleep which I wish for but I have to sleep, we all have to sleep. So good night, I don’t know whether this diary is worth reading but Thank You for listening to me….

6 thoughts on “I'm 75; and I want to be a kid again.

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